...and then I proposed her!!

  
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‘What if he comes with a formal marriage proposal? Will you agree to it?!’

I asked with a tinge of smile on my face as if I knew the answer. Somehow the countless hours we spent talking with each other instilled a positive feeling inside my head which made me think that I knew the answer. 

The brief silence was interrupted by her voice which by now keeps ringing in my ears even while I sleep.

‘Yes, I guess I will. It is not because I have something for him. I will agree to any marriage which my parents are convinced about’.

Her reply came without much of a thought. It was almost instantaneous. 

My heart started beating in my mouth. I had the feeling of free fall. My lungs choked. I gasped for breath.

We studied in the same school and I have known her ever since. In the three years we studied together and the countless times we saw each other in the next five years, apart from glances we never exchanged a single word. 

So it took eight long years and Mark Zuckerberg for us to start conversing!

I was not a fan of virtual relationships. Little do the words spoken via optic cables convey real emotions. They are capable of concealing more than conveying and I hate concealed minds. Nevertheless I have to say that our relation had the three ‘w’s attached to it! 

’Hello...you there?’   Her voice brought me back to consciousness. 

‘Hmmm…yeah, tell me’. I said regaining my composure. 

‘Why did you ask this question?’ she asked in her sweet voice.

‘Just out of curiosity’ I replied. 

I was unprepared to take further questions, just as I was unprepared for her answer to my first question. The conversation continued for some more time with me giving mostly one word replies and affirmative sounds. I hung up shortly after that and laid face down on my bed.

At times in life, realizations come after long sessions of introspection and at times like these; they come in the jolt of a moment!

Chatting over the internet had become a routine and then at one point she came to a situation where the internet access became limited only to the weekends, thanks to her hostel life! That took our relation to the next level – cell phones!!

I had a picture of her drawn in my mind over the many text chats we have had. I had imagined her voice; the way she speaks, the way she laughs, the way she jokes and what not! But my imaginations had little to do with reality and our first call was pretty uneventful. So was the second, third and the umpteenth! But now when I turn back, I see that each one of those ‘uneventful’ phone calls ended up adding something to the most eventful phone call of my life!

Starting off as a school mate, she went on to become a very close friend with whom I could talk anything without reservations. That is one trademark feature of her which attracted me. I love ‘free-talkers’ and ‘open-minders’.

So we talked and talked and talked …endlessly. Never once we hesitated to use the phrase ‘I love you’ in our conversations. And we were tolerant to each others ‘naughty’ behaviors at times which never crossed the lines. I still remember, once I had ‘accidentally’ sent a kissing smiley to her and waited for her response!
She said …. ‘Wrong smiley’ with a wink!

Applying for the Indian Navy was a major turning point in our relationship. It was then I started to tease her saying that ‘if I get selected, I will come to your home with a marriage proposal!’ It added certain flair to our relationship. In fact somewhere in the corner of my mind, I enjoyed saying this to her and I was sure that somewhere in her mind she enjoyed it too.

In this technology driven world, it is very difficult to keep things private, especially when you forget to remove the contact picture of your special friend when you go to a testosterone charged Naval Station. Needless to say, I committed that blunder!

When the smiling face flashed on my cell phone screen, the first question which I encountered is ... ’girlfriend hai kya?’

I had only a split second to answer YES or NO. I went for YES! And then I started to convince myself that a NO at that point would have attracted more questions and that was the only reason I said YES!!

It was followed by some dialogues which kept ringing in my ears for many more days to come. 

‘Achhi ladki hai yaar! Aajkal aisi ladki milna bahut mushkil hota hein. Jaldi se jaldi shaadi kar lo. Chod dena math!’

Even now I cannot comprehend how by seeing a photo one can say like this. But it hardly mattered. The damage has been done!

Getting selected for Navy was one of the happiest moments in my life. I called her up and said, ‘get ready to become the wife of a Navy officer!’ Her joy was indescribable. I could feel it right through my phone. But I could enjoy it only for a little while as the time allowed for us were very limited and I had to hang up the phone. Little did I know then that I missed a kiss over the phone! Our first kiss and I missed it!!

I could not sleep. I still couldn’t comprehend her response to my question. ‘Did I make a mistake reading her mind? Did I miscalculate? Where did I go wrong?’ Questions flooded my mind and I panted for answers.

She was there in front of me. She smiled but that smile gradually fainted. Suddenly it started to rain. She was there beyond that huge iron gate. Water level rose steeply. She kept staring at me. I could smell water. It rose above my nose…above my eyes…above my head. Water entered my nostrils. I gasped for breath. Somewhere in distance I heard a familiar song.

With a jolt, I opened my eyes! The song stopped. I was panting.  Sun rays swept across the room through the open window. I pulled myself up back to senses with deliberation. 

The song started playing again. It was my cell phone and her ringtone. Her face beamed from the Sony bravia screen.

‘Hello..!’ My voice was cold.

‘Still sleeping?’ asked the familiar voice. Her voice had mixed feelings in it.

‘Yeah’ I said. My voice still cold. 

‘What happened yesterday?’ she asked.

I dint know what to say. So I gave her the custom made reply… ’Nothing!’ 

 ‘Why are you lying?’ her voice turning somber.

‘If you are sure that I am lying to you, then you should be knowing the truth!’ I could have said it in a bit more humane way.

She started to cry. ‘I never said I loved him!!’ The sobs became heavier.

Tears are the deadliest weapon a woman can ever use on a man.

‘Please don’t cry dear…I am sorry!’ I tried to pacify her and succeeded to an extent.

When you are caught up in a time frame with two options in your hand whether to go or not to go; to do it or not to do it; to say it or not to say it; and you can’t arrive at a decision with logical reasoning, then always go with the green signal. Go-Do-Say!! A wise advice from one of my greatest friends flashed in my mind.

‘How far is your marriage?’ I asked.

‘Around three years’..

‘Are you sure that you won’t fall in love with someone within that three years?’ I asked.

‘No I am not…why?’  She enquired. 

‘Then better be sure about that. I don’t want to see my girl hanging out with some dung-head!!’ I said smiling.

‘What…??!!’ She sounded like she can never become more surprised in her life.

           

             …and then I proposed her!!